Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Runner vs. Reality

Now that the pea's in the pod, the bun's in the oven, and the cat's out of the bag, let's talk about pregnancy and running. Or more like pregnancy and not running. Let's talk about the runner vs. reality.

Here's what the runner thinks when finding out she's pregnant:
1. Great.  I can't wait to run with baby!
2.  I've seen all of those other pregnant runners out there getting it done with their cute bellies in tow (or towing them), I know I can do it.
3.  Heck, now that I won't be drinking on Fridays, I can register for all kinds of races on the weekends.
4.  In fact, I should register for a marathon or half marathon.  Sure, my pace might be a little slower, but with all of this extra time on my hands (you know, from not going out drinking), I will have tons of time to train.
5.  Running pregnant will just be like running with light weights.  A little extra resistance training.
6.  I can't wait to buy new, cute, maternity running clothes!
7.  I'm going to look exactly like this:
And this:
Here's what reality is actually like for a pregnant runner:
1.  Forget running, I can't wait to eat with baby.  And eat, and eat, and sleep.
2.  Who in the hell are all of those pregnant runners out there?!!?  Are they machines?  Freaks of nature?  Women with fake bumps sent down to the trail just to torture me?!?!  WHO ARE THESE WOMEN AND WHY ARE THEY RUNNING SO WELL?!?!?!
3.  Now that I'm not drinking on Fridays, I might as well go to sleep.  After eating, of course.  And, please don't wake me up in the morning.  Unless it's to eat again.
4.  What extra time?  Between eating and sleeping, I literally have no time. 
5.  I feel like I'm carrying a 20 lb. bowling ball.  Ouch. Ouch.  Stop.
6.  Umm....the word "cute" does not apply to this body and any form of clothing. 
7.  More like this:
 And this:

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