Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Six! And When You Know Better, You Do Better

Check it out!  Six whole miles.  My longest run in at least 18 months. 

Turns out it is impossible to selfie the number six.  Also, I forgot to filter these photos.  Can we all just pretend I look better after six miles?

Remember back when I used to run six miles all of the time with no problem?  I do too.  I actually remember saying out loud, "I think six miles is a perfect daily run.  It's easy enough to do every day and just hard enough to feel like a workout." HA HA HA!!  Those were the days. 

These days, six miles is not so easy and I'm glad I'm not doing it every day.  Six miles, these days, is very hard.  Here is what got me through: I knew I could do it.  And knowing I could do it meant I could actually do it.  I didn't matter what I thought about the run because I knew I would finish.  That's been the nice thing about this training (yes, training - more on that later!) cycle.  I've been here, I've done it.  Sure, it feels like a lifetime ago and I'm trying to do it with a whole new body and a whole new life, but I have done it.  I know I can do it.  And so I am doing it.


And, just in case you think the above pictures are the absolute worst post-run pictures a person could take, nope.  This was attempt no. 1:
Stop.  Just stop.

Ho Ho Ho!

I ho-ho-hope you all had a very merry Christmas!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

How Are You Feeling?

Hey guys.

I just thought I would check in to see how you are feeling.  I know I've been struggling a little in the last week.  It's been really hard seeing what we've turned into and all of the anger and hate that seems to be spreading across this country.  I also thought I would share my experience from the other day.

As you know, whenever I'm feeling the feelings, I lace up and hit the trails.  Needless to say, I've been feeling lots of feelings lately.  So, the other day I set out for a little run-therapy.  As I started the run I went to put my car keys in my pocket and something told me not to.  Instead, I held my keys in my fist as I ran.  I held them the way we women are taught to carry our keys when we are alone in a parking lot.  You know, just in case someone jumps out at us. I had never carried my keys like that on a run.  Yes, I always try to be aware of my surroundings, but I found myself constantly glancing behind me, you know, just in case.  This was something new to me.  I had to ask myself what had changed. Why was I running scared?

The answer?  The country has changed.  Or more specifically, my understanding of the country has changed.  As a woman I no longer feel safe or protected.  And, I'm just a white woman.  I know that I am in less danger than most.  I don't know if I would have been brave enough to step out on the trail if I were a woman of color or a woman in a hijab.  To those ladies, my heart goes out to you. 
As I'm thinking about this and wondering if all my runs will be like this and considering how that makes me feel about running these days, I come upon an older Hispanic man who has stopped to adjust his knee brace.  Just then, he flashes me a huge smile an throws me a big thumbs up sign. 
Oh Universe.  You really are amazing!  You always provide exactly what we need when we need it.  The SIGNS ARE ALWAYS THERE.  We just have to keep looking for them.
What's the lesson?  I suppose considering this blog's name, I need to find the lesson here.  I think the lesson isn't just that good is out there.  That's not enough.  I can't say that everything is all good because good exists.  No.  There are still some very scary things going on and very scary people out there.  But, and here is the lesson I stumbled upon about half a mile after the thumbs up:  Our eyes have to be open to what's going on out there, but so must our hearts.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Send Me A Sign (Pictorial 8)

I don't know about you all, but lately I've been feeling a little discouraged about things.  The negativity that seems be surrounding and coming from all angles has become depressing and overwhelming.  And right when I was starting to get really in the dumps about it, I went outside and looked for a sign.  And lo and behold a sign was given.
Here are a few more signs for any of you who need a reminder that things are good (really good!) and that love is all around.  You just have to look for it.

Be Bold!  This is one of my favorites.



**All pictures taken on the long run (well, some not so long and some not so run-ny).

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Adding Injury to Insult

As if it isn't bad enough to have to squeeze into your running shorts after having a baby, failing to lose the baby weight, and taking over a year and a half off from serious running.  As if that isn't insult enough, you have to add to that some seriously painful thigh chafing?!?  Come on universe, have a little pity on a girl.  

Talk about adding injury to insult.  

That's the saying, right?

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

I Have Some Splainin' To Do

You may have noticed, but I took a nearly five month break from blogging.  You may be surprised to learn I also took a nearly five month break from running. 
Let me explain:

Does that explain it all?  This little bundle of joy (and tears and vomit and poopy diapers and sleepless nights) has taken up every second of every minute of every day since November. 
To be totally honest with you, for several months I felt terribly guilty about not running and not writing.  I felt like I owed you all updates and I felt like I couldn't update if I wasn't running.  At the same time, I felt like I just couldn't run.  I mean, I could not run.  Not to save my life.  And so I didn't.  I didn't do any of it.  Why did I feel guilty?  Well, here I was a person who not only self-identified as a runner, but also a person who had put herself out there for the whole world to see and proclaimed, "I am a runner."  I mean for heaven's sake, there is a blog entry title, "I am a runner."  But, I wasn't running.  I wasn't doing anything.  Okay, I was doing a ton, but I certainly wasn't doing anything I could write to you about under the guise of runner's blog.  What did that make me?  A fraud?  I liar?  A failure? 

But, after months of guilt about it, I decided to drop the guilt.  Well, at least guilt about this blog.  Turns out, after a baby, you have plenty of things to feel guilty about (and PLENTY of hormones to help you in all that guilty feeling).  You feel guilty that you don't know what the hell you are doing with this little tiny life you are now responsible for.  You feel guilty that suddenly everything in the world has shifted and nothing is how it used to be and you aren't sure how you are supposed to react to that.  You feel guilty that you aren't the wife, friend, daughter, employee, you used to be.  You aren't yourself  and you aren't sure if you'll ever feel like yourself again and you can't help but feel like you are letting every single person around you down.  **Have I mentioned that those post-baby hormones are intense?!? 
After I accepted that all of the things I thought I would do/be after baby before I actually had the baby were just insane (you guys, I actually bought an online language course, because you know, staying at home with a newborn who needs your attention 24/7 just lends itself perfectly for learning an entirely new language), I was able to accept who I was and where I was.  I accepted those 9 extra pounds that aren't just falling off.  I accepted that my arms and legs are a little flabbier and my clothes a little tighter.  I accepted that I was no longer a daily runner and that writing would have to be on hold.  And through acceptance, I found contentment.  I even found happiness.  When you aren't so focused on what you aren't able to do, you can really focus and be happy about what you are doing.  And, let me tell you, taking care of this little nugget is the greatest thing in the world to be doing.
But, I am back.  I'm slowly - very slowly - trying to get back out on the trail.  I don't know what this new version of me as a runner will look like (I have a feeling it might be more like a new version of me as a walker).  And, I can't imagine what me as a writer is going to look like.  But, I will be here.  Less fit and less often, but I will be here.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Bright Idea

Here's a bright idea for you:

When deciding to go on your first run in many months after having a baby, pick the morning when it is 95% humidity, drizzling, and hot. 

I am more than comfortable blaming my smart running choices on mommy-brain.