Breaking the Habit (Not Running Related)

Okay, so I’m a little late on the resolutions (non-running) bandwagon.  I kept meaning to set one, but nothing really came to mind that I was interested in.  Actually, if I’m going to be totally honest, I think there’s been this one little whisper rolling around in the back of my mind for a while, but I wasn’t really ready to listen to it.  You know when your subconscious starts working on something, but you try to ignore it because it sounds like it might be big and hard and take some soul searching?  I think that’s what’s been going on with me for a while now.  But, then that whisper started sounding a lot more like a scream and before I could do anything about it, it was too late.  I couldn’t ignore it.

And now, I’m finally ready.  Really, really ready to set my New Year’s resolution for 2014 and going forward.  At first, it may sound small to you, but I assure you, this feels like a very big resolution to me.

 I WILL NO LONGER INITIATE OR PARTICIPATE IN FAT TALK.

 Yes, I’ve been working on the initiate portion of this goal for a while now, but what good does it do if you still end up participating in the fat talk?  I will not contribute to the delusional, dysfunctional, and destructive habit we all have of sitting around and talking about how fat we are.  We are NOT all fat!!!!  Why do we keep saying we’re fat?? 

 I hope to only say this one time in 2014, so please hear me when I say this:

YOU ARE NOT FAT.  YOU ARE GORGEOUS.  YOU DO NOT NEED TO LOSE ONE POUND.  YOUR VALUE AS A HUMAN BEING AND AS MY FRIEND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SIZE OF YOUR STOMACH, YOUR THIGHS, OR YOUR ASS.  I LOVE YOU FOR A MILLION REASONS AND YOUR BODY IS NOT ONE OF THEM.  YOU ARE NOT FAT. 

We have to stop focusing on our bodies as our main sense of self worth.  We are SO much more than a couple dimples on our asses or rolls over our jeans.  We are human beings full of funny thoughts, brilliant ideas, and kind words.  We have so much more to talk about than how fat we are.  Really, isn’t talking about how we ate way too much, worked out way too little, and in general just don’t look like super models about the smallest, least interesting form of conversation? 

 So, please don’t question my sanity or worry about my hearing the next time you say, “Ugh, I’m so fat.  I can’t believe I just ate those cookies.  I am soooo bad,” and my response is something along the lines of, “Man, that weather sure is crazy out there.”  I heard you and what you said broke my heart.  But I just will not participate in it anymore.  I can’t.  For one thing, every time you say you’re fat, it makes me wonder what you are seeing when you look in the mirror, then I automatically have to start questioning how you see me and then I question how I see me.  And then there we both are, hating ourselves and our bodies.  I just won’t do it anymore. 

I wish you would join me.  I wish you would stop calling yourself fat.  I wish you would stop spending so much of the precious little time we have counting calories, thinking about what you should or shouldn’t eat, and obsessing over an idea you have of what you should look like.  I wish you would stop bullying yourself.  Think about this:  If you stopped calling yourself fat, there would be NOBODY calling you fat.  You are the only person who thinks you are fat (and if this isn’t the case, please talk to me and we can figure out what type of people you are hanging out with).  You are the only person who thinks less of you after that third slice of pizza.  The world will continue spinning and your life will go on if you go back for seconds. 

I know that there are people out there who know me that are shaking their heads and rolling their eyes at this right now.  I admit it.  In the past, I have been one of the worst initiators of fat talk ever.  I have never in my lift been fat, but I have spent hours and hours on end talking about how overweight I was or how “bad” I was for eating so much.  I have lost all of this time that I can never get back obsessing over something that was never true and truly never important.  And, I just can’t and won’t do it anymore. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about fitness and health and new workouts and all kinds of stuff body related.  These are my passions.  I want to talk about these things all of the time.  Balanced eating and regular exercise are wonderful things and I am in total support of you when you pursue a healthy lifestyle.  But, so often that pursuit comes obsession and that obsession turns into the inability to see your body as anything but a disaster in constant need of improvement.  Stop.  Give yourself a break.  Give me a break.

Will I slip up on this resolution?  Hell yes.  I will fail many times in 2014 and more in the years to come.  Fat talk truly is a habit now.  I’ve been doing it for more years that I haven’t.  We all have.  But, the first step is being conscious of the habit and the next is to decide to break it.  There is absolutely NOTHING beneficial to fat talk.  There is no joy gained from it, no reward for how badly we can speak about ourselves.  In fact, fat talk truly feels like crap.  You would think that this would be the easiest thing to give up.  But, society has conditioned us to believe that we should hate ourselves (coincidentally, the weight loss market is a multi-billion dollar industry—and by coincidentally, I mean not at all).  Breaking the habit won’t be easy.  But it will be worth it.