Wait, haven't I just spent all my time writing and thinking about speeding up? Life is "funny" like that. You get so focused on one thing and then here comes life smacking you in the face and directing you to the exact opposite.
The truth is, lately I have not been reacting well to my running program. Well, if I'm really going to be truthful, I have not been reacting well to life itself. I have spent two days out of the last five curled up in bed just feeling completely, totally, and miserably spent. I have been fighting "allergies" for weeks now and I can't seem to get better. My energy level is somewhere around zilch and my recovery time is taking way longer than it should. Basically, I'm a wreck. I don't think it's just the running that has me fried, but I don't think it's helped either. The first time my husband told me, "You've taken on too much. You have to slow down," I didn't really pay attention. This is the same man who wakes up at 4:45 a.m. to go to the gym before starting his long and stressful days. So, you know what the pot and kettle do, right?! The second time (last night and then again this morning when he saw me in my gym clothes) he told me I had to slow down, I listened. My husband is an extremely patient and understanding man, so when he gets firm about something attention must be paid.
Here's the problem: I don't know what to do about it. Yes, I am a confessed over-doer. I cram as much as humanly possible into those short twenty four hours a day. And I keep cramming until I eventually break. But, how do I stop? How do you determine what to cut out of your life to free up a little rest time? First, there are all of the things that must get done. I must go to work, which can mean close an hour of travel per day. Meals must be cooked. Dishes must get washed. Laundry must be done, folded, and put away. Dr. appointments must be made, bills must be paid. All of these things (I had to stop there before my stress level went through the roof) can take up an entire day/week/life. Then there are the things that I want to do. I want to go running. I actually want to be training for this marathon. I want to go to Bar Method. I want to keep this blog. I want to visit with my friends. I want to see my family. I want to go out to eat and drink with my husband. I want to go on trips and see things and in general experience life. But if fitting all of these things in is too overwhelming, I have to ask myself what goes? Do I have to cut out the things I want to do because the other (and much less fun) list must get done? And if that's the case, how fair is that? What kind of a life is made of only doing the musts? Aren't we all supposed to be living happy and fulfilled lives? In doing so, shouldn't we also be living balanced lives with the wants thrown in too? Where do you find the balance between the musts and the wants? If I only do the musts then I'm miserable. If I only do the wants then I'm happy, but poor and living like a slob. HOW DO YOU FIND THE BALANCE?
While I was pondering this question, I took a look at my dog. Trust me, this is not the picture of a dog curled in bed due to exahustion from doing to much. This is someone who has mastered the art of relaxation. I would say she spends about 96% of her day just like this. Then again, the only other thing she must do is waddle over to her dog bowls and eat and drink what we must put down for her.
So, I'm back at where I started. Exhausted, but unsure what to do about it. I have no clear path on this one. Hopefully, the first step is simply acknowledgement and I can wait for the enlightenment to hit later. Regardless, I must get back to work!
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